Today, I am extremely tired. I just want to go back to sleep, for several hours. It's a full body tired, not the kind that can be alleviated by a Power Nap. I know that it was partly because I had a fun weekend, and spent Saturday night on a futon, the kind of futon that would completely rock out any college dorm but is currently rocking out the apt. of my semi-freshly graduated sister, but the other part of me has the Female Fear.
The Female Fear is that fear which any woman who has gone near a johnson in the last month has, which is that she is pregnant. This month, the Female Fear has struck me because I keep trying to compare how tired I am with how tired I think I should be given the weekend, and I feel like I am more tired than I should be. Which doesn't mean anything, but given that I really DO NOT want a mini-PhizzleDizzle right now, I can't help but have the Female Fear. It's enough to make me want to avoid Mr. PhizzleDizzle like the plague. Well, wait, no it's not because I happen to find Mr. PhizzleDizzle very sexy. At any rate, given that my mother just subtly reminded me that I should have some bebes, and my uncle said basically the same thing this weekend, I have bebes on the brain, making the Female Fear very salient.
This whole thing makes marriage a funny institution, in my mind. It's like one day, you're not supposed to have any bebes, but then ONE DAY later, you're supposed to get on it like rabbits and produce some kickass members of the next generation. Seems pretty arbitrary to me, given that Mr. PhizzleDizzle and I were together for a long time and pretty much totally committed long before we actually said "I do."
Anyway. I am sure the Female Fear will alleviate tomorrow when I feel less tired, only to rear its ugly head again as the Day of Reckoning (i.e. first day of period) approaches, in which I will constantly wonder in the back of my mind if it will come. Which it always does, because I'm good about doing what I need to do. Not that that stops the Fear.
1 year ago