Today, I am extremely tired. I just want to go back to sleep, for several hours. It's a full body tired, not the kind that can be alleviated by a Power Nap. I know that it was partly because I had a fun weekend, and spent Saturday night on a futon, the kind of futon that would completely rock out any college dorm but is currently rocking out the apt. of my semi-freshly graduated sister, but the other part of me has the Female Fear.
The Female Fear is that fear which any woman who has gone near a johnson in the last month has, which is that she is pregnant. This month, the Female Fear has struck me because I keep trying to compare how tired I am with how tired I think I should be given the weekend, and I feel like I am more tired than I should be. Which doesn't mean anything, but given that I really DO NOT want a mini-PhizzleDizzle right now, I can't help but have the Female Fear. It's enough to make me want to avoid Mr. PhizzleDizzle like the plague. Well, wait, no it's not because I happen to find Mr. PhizzleDizzle very sexy. At any rate, given that my mother just subtly reminded me that I should have some bebes, and my uncle said basically the same thing this weekend, I have bebes on the brain, making the Female Fear very salient.
This whole thing makes marriage a funny institution, in my mind. It's like one day, you're not supposed to have any bebes, but then ONE DAY later, you're supposed to get on it like rabbits and produce some kickass members of the next generation. Seems pretty arbitrary to me, given that Mr. PhizzleDizzle and I were together for a long time and pretty much totally committed long before we actually said "I do."
Anyway. I am sure the Female Fear will alleviate tomorrow when I feel less tired, only to rear its ugly head again as the Day of Reckoning (i.e. first day of period) approaches, in which I will constantly wonder in the back of my mind if it will come. Which it always does, because I'm good about doing what I need to do. Not that that stops the Fear.
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OMG I KNOW!!!!
The idea of telling my parents I was pregnant was my worst nightmare for, like, my whole life!
Then I get engaged, and it's like they WANT me to have sex!! I was like WTF? "Y'all know where babies come from, right? You still want me to have some? Are you sure about that?"
And MIND YOU, my parents have a son who is turning 13 next week. It's not like their interactions with wee ones are so long in the past that they need the stimulation.
heh... sorry for commenting on this so late, but I couldn't help it. One year ago, in February 2008, I was feeling sooo tired, and queasy in the mornings. My husband said, in a joking sorta way, "Maybe you're pregnant!" I laughed and thought he was wrong, because after all I didn't *feel* pregnant, and I would KNOW, right? A few days later, he suggested that we swing by the pharmacy for one of those in-the-box pregnancy tests. I thought it was silly, but played along in a "what the heck, it can't hurt" sorta way.
Got home, peed on the stick, shock. I was pregnant!! Today, my baby is 5 months old and I love her more than anything. :)
After I typed this I realized it is not a very reassuring story. ! But the moral could be that life goes on even when you are pregnant and even when you are a mommy!
Frozone - for me part of it is I can't get over the recollection of being terrified of the possibility of having to tell my parents I was pregnant, as JLK described. That feeling doesn't just erase the day you get married!
I'm sure, if it actually happened by accident, we would be very happy about it, but I still hope it doesn't, until we want it to....which is def. not now :).
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