Showing posts with label serious life shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serious life shit. Show all posts

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Being taken care of vs. being dominated

I have this friend who has got this really nice boyfriend. I like him pretty well.

The thing is, I can't tell if she is being dominated or being taken care of. Initially, I liked the boyfriend a lot because he takes care of my friend, who...well...evokes the aura of needing to be taken care of. He carries stuff for he, he does things in the background she doesn't even realize so that things just work, it's like magic.

On the other hand, it's almost like he thinks she can't do anything for herself. Granted, I have my doubts too about her ability to do certain things as well, but I can't decided if the dynamic between them two is sweet or scary.

When does "oh honey, let me do that for you" become, "oh honey, let me do that before you (because i think you'll destroy something in the process and everything is better when i do it)"?

Even worse, does the latter actually create a feedback loop SUCH THAT the person becomes worse and worse at doing things? I think that's sort of happening and it makes me concerned for my friend.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Bad Memory

I am back. I had a great time hanging with the JLK, then spent the weekend in BigNearbyCity while Mr. Phizz was away so I wouldn't die of loneliness. I hung out with friends, went to museums, and ate dim sum. I went shopping, spoke with my best friend IN PERSON, and it was just awesome. And now Mr. Phizz is back, and all is well. It's a good reminder that the Internet is just the Internet. I have a Real Life to attend to.

Anyhoo, recently an incident which occurred to me as a very small child came roaring back to me, for some reason. And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad. Because it has to do with some pretty heinous behavior directed at a child for her race.

I won't even pretend to know what it's like to be a different race. I only know what it's like to be mine, and it's not ALWAYS a picnic, though I will fully acknowledge that I believe it is a lot easier than being, say, black in America.

But when I was a little kid, I believe I was all of seven, a few things happened with a neighbor of mine. This man was father to two of my friends from across the street, and he always seemed pretty gruff and not especially friendly. But he was an adult. And adults always know what they are doing (that's what my seven-year-old self thought, anyway).

One day I was talking to this man for whatever reason, somehow the subject turned to presidents. I was probably telling him we were learning about presidents in school. He said to me, "Do you want to know who the greatest president in the history of America is?"

I surely did. I had a thirst for knowledge back then that kind of blows my mind right now.

He told me Harry Truman.

I tucked that piece of knowledge into my brain.

In school, I think the question was raised of who the greatest president was. Lots of people raised their hands, including me. I wasn't called on, but I was appalled to hear that no one said Harry Truman. After all, an adult had told me so. I didn't know what he had done and I had never heard of him before, but an adult had told me so. Therefore, everyone else had to be missing something, he must be greater than Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt...even though I had heard of those guys.

A few weeks later, his overstimulated son beat me up. He was a boy, and he wanted to fight, not because he was mad at me, but because he wanted to. He explained that he and his friend fight all the time and it was fun. I didn't want to fight. I had never been in a physical fight with anyone. He fought me anyway. My new pants got grass-stained. My head slammed into the wooden fence. I cried.

I ran across the street with two other neighbor friends (who were white boys) to "tell." I told him that his son had beat me up, my pants were ruined, and that he hit my head against the fence.

This man looked down at my little tearful self and said, "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. I explained again that his son had beat me up, had hurt me. He repeated, "So....WHAT do you want me to do about it??"

After a little while, it was clear he was not planning to mete out one iota of punishment, nor was he remotely sympathetic. Writing this is bringing tears to my eyes from the recollection. That this man could be such a jackass to a tiny little seven-year-old is beyond me. Even my other friends were surprised. I remember clearly, one of them said to console me, "He's not a very good father." The injustice was apparent to them, as well. They, like me, didn't know why he acted that way.

These are all just memories. I don't have a whole lot of memories from when I was this age, but these are very, very clear.

When I got older, I suddenly thought back to these events, and it struck me that this guy was probably anti-Asian. Probably, more specifically he was probably anti-Japanese but had never bothered to realize which Asian nationality I was, because I'm not that one. Not that how he acted would be ok if I were. After I got older and got a more complete vision of what all the Presidents were known for, I realized this: Harry Truman is known for his "The Buck Stops Here" sign, his excessive swearing, and dropping the Bomb. You know the Bomb I am talking about. Can you think of anything else you could possibly know about Harry Truman that would stand out?

Who knows. Maybe the guy hated little kids, except his own. Maybe he wouldn't have punished his son if he had beaten up anyone, whether they were Asian or not. Maybe he was just in a bad mood. But a large part of me, when you put it together with a lot of things I vaguely recall from childhood, feels sure that he just didn't like Asian people.

It still amazes me though, that he would treat a child the way he treated me. Well, suck it Mr. X. I rock.

To think that these days, this shit is probably happening to little Arab girls around the country breaks my heart.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lots of good shit

This will be a brief update of everything that is going on, mostly good, until I have time to put up a post with a few choice pictures from my trip.

  1. FIL is home!!! He went home the day we left for our trip, and he's doing ok. He's not nearly 100% but seems to be on the up and up, and I hope within a month or two he'll really be back to his old form. I know he hates being like this, so I feel bad, but it's as long as he's on an upward trajectory, however shallow, we are all glad.
  2. Trip was AWESOME!
  3. While I was away, I got MORE job nibbles! One is kind of weird though - they really REALLY want me but can only offer an internship right now, and say they hope it can become a full-time later. This is a tough one. It's right up my alley, plus, it's great to be wanted, but it's a bit scary without knowing about the full-time. Another was for a postdoc possibility from a mentor. But as I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm not sure I want academia anymore. So I don't think I'll pursue that, as amazing as it would be if I wanted to be at an R1. So, still nothing totally straightforward about what I should do with myself, but prospects seem better than before.
  4. March Madness has begun. And I freakin LOVE March Madness. Like, seriously, love that shit.
  5. I had a kind of productive day and have written a non-trivial number of words.
Woooot!!!!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Seriously, Universe, WTF?

My super duper dear best friend's cousin has been hospitalized for meningitis. In case you don't know, that's serious shit. He's an only child. Wasn't caught early enough, his kidneys failed yesterday.

He was kept waiting in an ER for hours the night before he was hospitalized so he just went home. Nice one, hospital in city where 3 students were hospitalized for meningitis just 3 weeks ago. ERs are so broken, there's got to be a better way to figure out who needs to be seen immediately and who doesn't. Mr. Phizz joked that the kid should have complained of chest pain shooting down his left arm - that's the best way to get seen quickly in an ER. Only problem is he's in college and I bet they wouldn't buy that one.

On top of that, FIL's hospital has dropped the ball too. They're wondering why his system is kind of out of whack and not recovering well, HMMM, DO YOU THINK IT'S BECAUSE NONE OF HIS IVs HAVE NUTRITION IN THEM? It's been over a week and the man's hardly eaten AND he's gotten no nutrition intravenously. WTF. I mean, thank you hospital for doing the surgery but how the fuck is he supposed to heal without, say, nutrients?

Times like these I just desperately, desperately, desperately hope that I am never seriously sick. And that no one I know or care about is ever seriously sick. Navigating the health care system to get good care just seems really, really impossible.

Please think of my friend's cousin. He's really really sick.