Presumed feminism

So, I've had a few things happen in my life where I am talking about something, and someone assumes that I am being like, all offended in a feminist way, when in fact I was not thinking along those lines whatsoever.

It's very annoying because sometimes, I am so surprised that it is only minutes later that I even realize what they must have thought I was saying, and I can't even go back to fix it, and now they assume I am a raging overly-sensitive feminist.

Example 1:

There was a methodology and toolset proposed and pushed by a member of the faculty at my university. It's good in its place, but as technology has changed, it is no longer enough. I was at a conference, and this methodology came up, and when a question session came up, there was a queue at the microphone. A prominent professor at another university said, "REAL men use methodology Foo when they are doing Bar." Meanwhile, the professor at my university was standing RIGHT behind him, waiting to defend his honor because his methodology is simpler and does not do Foo. It was somewhat deliciously dramatic, but the moderator of the session stopped all questions after this.

I was back at school, relaying this story to a fellow student. I said, "and THEN, Prof. Awesome said, 'REAL men use Foo when doing Bar!' It was insane!" And then fellow student said, "Well, I'm sure he MEANT real scientists, he didn't really mean MEN." I was thinking to myself, what in the hell is he talking about?

After the conversation was over, I realized he thought I was offended at the term "real men" because it excluded women. Which was so entirely ridiculous that I missed it at the time. What the hell? It's so annoying. And now this guy walks around thinking that he can't use the turn of phrase, "REAL men do X" when I'm around because then I will try to kick his ass. Which is totally not true.

Example 2:

This occurred more recently. There is a policy in my office about making coffee, which I think is very common. If you take the last bit, you make a new pot. Very simple. Very reasonable.

I had been lucky enough to avoid having to do this for several weeks after I had started work. Then, I had the fortune of getting hit with making a new pot two days in a row. The first time, I was thinking, well, it's about time I guess. And the next day, I was like, "hahaha, how funny that it worked this way. well, shucks."

Then a coworker comes in and is like, "oh you're making coffee?" and I said, "yup, i've been lucky enough to get it two days in a row!"

And he says, "well, it's just random you know..." and something about it seemed really defensive. I know he said something else, but I don't remember what, but I do remember it was somewhat defensive. I was confused, but I don't know this guy very well. Later, I realized (though I don't remember exactly why, this was a few months ago) that he had thought I was annoyed at being foisted coffee duty because I'm a woman.

And again, I"m like what the hell? Any human would be like, "ack, two days in a row!" Not that I won't make coffee, but it's not like people are happy when they have to do it. Am I annoyed because I'm a woman? Of course not. Do I feel like there is some conspiracy to get me to make the coffee? No, because I'm a friggin reasonable person and I realize that this is just the way the cookie crumbles in this system. I was just griping good-naturedly about my luck, and he assumes I'm ready to freakin sue the company.

So again, since the leap of logic on the part of the dude was so ridiculous, I did not understand what he meant at the time, and then when I realized he thought I was getting my feminist panties in a twist it was too late to be like, dude, that's not it.

Does this happen to you guys? I feel like it happens to me more than I would like and it really bugs me.

Thanking your committee etiquette

So, it's been a whirlwind since I've defended, and I realize now that the dust has settled that I ought to thank my committee more than by sending effusive thank you emails and giving effusively grateful thank yous post-defense.

What ought I do? I have bought some thank you cards (nice one, not ones in a pack), and especially nice ones for my chairs. I also purchased bound copies of my thesis for the chairs, though not the rest of the committee. I have received mixed signals about this. Some said I definitely should get some for all, others said that tradition is being phased out. In a survey of my recently graduated peers it was nearly 50/50 in my department.

Either way, I can't decide if very nice thank you cards are enough, or not? Note that I hardly know several of my committee members, and they are spread out over the country so things like restaurant gift certificates are not really feasible.

What did you do for your committee?

Comcast is stupid, Part II

Ok, so I just tried again with the LiveChat, and again, they asked for my SSN and said it was to comply with some FTC rule. But when I said, "I've been assured by a Comcast rep that an SSN is not necessary", they said, "oh, well ok then, how about a driver's license number?" So I said, ok, let's do that. Great to know that if I hadn't objected or known, I'd still be made to feel that it was necessary to give it.

So then, we're setting up the appointment, and I distinctly remember a screen telling me there would be a $23 installation fee as I clicked through the order.

She then tells me that installation will be $123 dollars! Turns out it is only $23 for the television, and, get this....$99 for the internet. $99!!! That is anal rape.

1. I do not need ANYTHING special for this. I've got a freakin PhD in Computer Science, I can handle my networking stuff. So I did not ask for any sort of professional installation in terms of setting up a router, installing software on my computer, or anything like that.
2. I don't need anythign wired at the place, the place is fully wired.
3. I LITERALLY need them to remove a trap and configure me. I can't believe people pay $99 for that. That is just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

She also tells me that because I have been so nice (I have, I am generally always nice to service people because they are people too), she can get me to just under $50 for the install. This STILL seems crazy to me. People will come install satellite dishes for $0. SATELLITE DISHES. It is much more complicated than removing a trap from a house that is already totally wired.

So, I think...well, there's a coffee shop nearby, work is not far...Maybe I won't get internet...maybe it's not REALLY necessary. That's how against paying this fee I am, because it just completely offends my sense of what things should cost. So I ask the person, "What if I just got TV, then?"

You know what happens?

She ignores me. I sit at my computer for minutes, thinking maybe she is checking with a supervisor or something...but no, I am literally hanging for minutes. I am much more patient than your average person here, so finally, I just typed, "hello?" and waited a minute or two more. Finally, I realized that somehow, asking a legitimate question had pushed the wrong buttons, and I was being frozen out.

So, I wrote, "Ok then. Thank you for your time," waited about 30 more seconds, and logged out. I wish in hindsight that I had timed the difference in time between my messages, but then, I didn't think that I was going to get ignored. But I think I probably waited a total of 7-8 minutes or so....in a LIVE CHAT.

Goodness gracious. I would have been willing to pay around $25 or so, but instead I didn't sign up. Again. Sigh. It shouldn't be this hard.

Comcast is stupid

Comcast wants my social security number in order to get service.

I googled it and apparently they've had this policy for a while, but it's the first time since I last signed up. I'm like, whaaa? Yeah right! You've gotta be fucking kidding me, I don't trust my number with them (or anyone for that matter - I am very stingy with that number). With all the brouhaha today about being careful with your SSN, you think I'm just going to type it over the internet to some person? You think I'm going to give it to a cable company? Please!

What the hell is that about? I want TV and internet, but I do NOT want to give them my SSN. Even their customer service czar has twittered that they don't require it, but that doesn't stop their representatives from trying to get it from you. That's the biggest rub. When exposed, the Comcast customer service czar twittered that their policy was not to require SSN. This happened in 2008. And yet, reps are still trying to tell you that you have to give it to them (that's what happened to me today). So they are either hugely ineffective at getting training to their reps, or they are purposefully trying to get people to give SSNs because they assume people will eventually just give it to them. Well, I pushed back, and I said no. They said, you have to, there is no other way. I said thanks and hung up on the chat.

The worst part is that the rep tried to tell me that the reason they needed the number was to make sure I qualified for the best service and deals, and to see if I needed to put in a deposit for service. I told them I had an account that I canceled several months prior before I moved and couldn't they just look that up to see that it was in good standing...and the answer was No. If you need it to make sure I'm not going to stiff you, can't you just see that I've been a good paying customer for years?

There's a reason why Comcast was runner up to AIG in this years Consumerist Worst Company in America contest. I've always used them because I've never had another choice. This is not the first time they have pissed me off. I think this time I'm going to try to find something else though. I'm going to try hard, because I really, REALLY don't think I should have to give them my social.

Word Loss

I recently read a book that used the word "carrion."

I was thinking about this today as I brushed my teeth, and I thought....in fifty years, will people use or know the word "carrion"? I mean...it was the first time I'd come across that word in....oh, I don't know, 10 years? Maybe not since my college days, where I had more time to read books. And now that I am done with grad school, I have time once again.

But I get the sense that people don't read anymore, not like they used to. So...isn't it entirely possible that we are losing words constantly, as they fall out of favor and it gets to the point that most of the population don't know what they mean?

Somehow, this made me sad. I wonder how many 15 year olds these days know what "carrion" means.

Being taken care of vs. being dominated

I have this friend who has got this really nice boyfriend. I like him pretty well.

The thing is, I can't tell if she is being dominated or being taken care of. Initially, I liked the boyfriend a lot because he takes care of my friend, who...well...evokes the aura of needing to be taken care of. He carries stuff for he, he does things in the background she doesn't even realize so that things just work, it's like magic.

On the other hand, it's almost like he thinks she can't do anything for herself. Granted, I have my doubts too about her ability to do certain things as well, but I can't decided if the dynamic between them two is sweet or scary.

When does "oh honey, let me do that for you" become, "oh honey, let me do that before you (because i think you'll destroy something in the process and everything is better when i do it)"?

Even worse, does the latter actually create a feedback loop SUCH THAT the person becomes worse and worse at doing things? I think that's sort of happening and it makes me concerned for my friend.

The state of science education

I was listening to NPR the other morning. I like NPR. I generally give NPR the benefit of the doubt, that they're not going to be a bunch of blithering idiots going on about stupid shit.

So it's an episode of Weekday, and the interviewee is some guy who has just written a book about the periodic table. The interviewer asks a few questions which I think are reasonable considering this is going to a wide audience: "Can you tell us, what really is an element, what defines an it?" Fine, fine.

Then she asks some sort of question saying something like, "So let's say you've got this element with 2.4 protons...."

WHAT? It made me sad.