Wednesday, April 15, 2009

On Children

I had a conversation with Mr. Phizz yesterday about children.

I have always assumed I would have a few, because...well, that's what you did. You grew up, got married, and had children. I did not grow up with an all-consuming desire to be married and have a family, I just assumed I would.

Well, I've (kinda) grown up and gotten married. But damned if I feel like having any children right now (or any time soon). But the idea of deciding to not have any seems sooooo radical to my previous assumptions, my upbringing, and that of my husband's, that I'm a bit thrown by the idea.

Mr. Phizz says to just not worry about it. We don't want any now, so that's that. We have a number of years before push will really come to shove and we have to decide if we want to avoid having to use fertility treatments and such. So we really don't have to make any decisions now. I suppose I'll just let it go and stop wondering if I want any kiddos at all. Because, while I like kids, I really...really...REALLY cannot imagine having one of my own any time soon.

I know a number of you science bloggers don't have kids and have actively and overtly decided you will not have any. How did you come to that decision? Do you ever fear you will change your mind?

NBC hits new low

Seriously???? Linky.

SERIOUSLY????

Sunday, April 12, 2009

STUFF - too much of it

In my young life, I have moved all of my "stuff" 14 times. I think that's about right.

As a result, my natural pack-rat sensibilities have been quashed by my hatred of moving "stuff". Every time I know I am going to move (which, let's face it, is like every year), I go through a frenzy of throwing things away. Just...getting...rid...of...stuff. It hurts so good.

I am currently listening to loud rock music and going through my clothes and getting rid of stuff I don't think I ever want to wear again and putting them in a Goodwill pile. Unfortunately, since I do this practically annually, I have not come up with a lot of stuff. However, I have ditched 3 pairs of daisy dukes I have not worn since early grad school. Husband was a little disappointed, but agreed that someone my age should NEVER wear those shorts. Ever. Ever. I can't believe I even have them.

So there - more grown-up-ifying of my wardrobe. I am also going through my purse collection. I used to have a big thing for purses and handbags. But that seems to have faded and I see no reason to drag a purse I won't ever use again that was in style 5 years ago from domicile to domicile. Especially since I have seen the light and don't even use purses at all anymore - I am now a wristlet girl. No more purses sliding off my slippery REI jacket!!

Any time I think about "stuff", I also think about how freaking lucky I am. Here in the US, we just have so much STUFF, most of it superfluous but much if it quasi-necessary to keep up with the pace of life we have here. I don't think I am particularly wasteful (I use cameras until they are no good - years, and same with my phones. I think it's insane to buy new ones every year or season or whatever - and I wonder what people who do so do with their old ones. I hope they dispose responsibly or donate or SOMETHING instead of tossing them in the garbage). However, I realize that I have more stuff than entire villages of people in Third World countries. And it makes me feel a both guilty and fortunate at the same time.

I just want FSM to know that I am very grateful for the life that I lead. But a little bit mad that life needs me to move. Again. Not only out to my internship for the summer, but out of our little apartment too. Sigh. And I don't know where I'm going to live come Sept. Awesome.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Many a Geek will be saddened by this

Co-creator of D&D dies.

I never played, but I know it's one of the first loves of many a geek.

Life Status

I am taking the internship.

I am not defending prior to taking the internship. For reasons I will not discuss openly, I am fairly comfortable with that. Besides, I'm almost done with Chapter 3 and am doing pretty well with Chapter 5, so that's all good. My latest mental deadline is October and I'm sure I can do that, not stress myself out, and get myself PAID this summer way more than with my miserable stipend.

I have not gotten any job offers yet. Another good thing about internships is they are usually extensible, so if I'm still in trouble in the middle of the summer and no one wants to give me a real job, I can just extend the internship. But still, I need to apply to a few more places, I think.

I wish I knew where we were going to live for the next few years. Then we'd totally buy a house. I can't help but feel this is just an awesome time to buy - but we have no idea. So no house buying. But I wish we could.......I find myself wistfully paging through listed homes on zillow.com, all in various cities where we might end up but really have no idea....

I am planning to bike commute all summer on a cyclocross bike. I'm allz excited about that. Wooooooo! Any excuse to buy a new bike is a good excuse to me.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Bad Memory

I am back. I had a great time hanging with the JLK, then spent the weekend in BigNearbyCity while Mr. Phizz was away so I wouldn't die of loneliness. I hung out with friends, went to museums, and ate dim sum. I went shopping, spoke with my best friend IN PERSON, and it was just awesome. And now Mr. Phizz is back, and all is well. It's a good reminder that the Internet is just the Internet. I have a Real Life to attend to.

Anyhoo, recently an incident which occurred to me as a very small child came roaring back to me, for some reason. And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad. Because it has to do with some pretty heinous behavior directed at a child for her race.

I won't even pretend to know what it's like to be a different race. I only know what it's like to be mine, and it's not ALWAYS a picnic, though I will fully acknowledge that I believe it is a lot easier than being, say, black in America.

But when I was a little kid, I believe I was all of seven, a few things happened with a neighbor of mine. This man was father to two of my friends from across the street, and he always seemed pretty gruff and not especially friendly. But he was an adult. And adults always know what they are doing (that's what my seven-year-old self thought, anyway).

One day I was talking to this man for whatever reason, somehow the subject turned to presidents. I was probably telling him we were learning about presidents in school. He said to me, "Do you want to know who the greatest president in the history of America is?"

I surely did. I had a thirst for knowledge back then that kind of blows my mind right now.

He told me Harry Truman.

I tucked that piece of knowledge into my brain.

In school, I think the question was raised of who the greatest president was. Lots of people raised their hands, including me. I wasn't called on, but I was appalled to hear that no one said Harry Truman. After all, an adult had told me so. I didn't know what he had done and I had never heard of him before, but an adult had told me so. Therefore, everyone else had to be missing something, he must be greater than Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt...even though I had heard of those guys.

A few weeks later, his overstimulated son beat me up. He was a boy, and he wanted to fight, not because he was mad at me, but because he wanted to. He explained that he and his friend fight all the time and it was fun. I didn't want to fight. I had never been in a physical fight with anyone. He fought me anyway. My new pants got grass-stained. My head slammed into the wooden fence. I cried.

I ran across the street with two other neighbor friends (who were white boys) to "tell." I told him that his son had beat me up, my pants were ruined, and that he hit my head against the fence.

This man looked down at my little tearful self and said, "Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. I explained again that his son had beat me up, had hurt me. He repeated, "So....WHAT do you want me to do about it??"

After a little while, it was clear he was not planning to mete out one iota of punishment, nor was he remotely sympathetic. Writing this is bringing tears to my eyes from the recollection. That this man could be such a jackass to a tiny little seven-year-old is beyond me. Even my other friends were surprised. I remember clearly, one of them said to console me, "He's not a very good father." The injustice was apparent to them, as well. They, like me, didn't know why he acted that way.

These are all just memories. I don't have a whole lot of memories from when I was this age, but these are very, very clear.

When I got older, I suddenly thought back to these events, and it struck me that this guy was probably anti-Asian. Probably, more specifically he was probably anti-Japanese but had never bothered to realize which Asian nationality I was, because I'm not that one. Not that how he acted would be ok if I were. After I got older and got a more complete vision of what all the Presidents were known for, I realized this: Harry Truman is known for his "The Buck Stops Here" sign, his excessive swearing, and dropping the Bomb. You know the Bomb I am talking about. Can you think of anything else you could possibly know about Harry Truman that would stand out?

Who knows. Maybe the guy hated little kids, except his own. Maybe he wouldn't have punished his son if he had beaten up anyone, whether they were Asian or not. Maybe he was just in a bad mood. But a large part of me, when you put it together with a lot of things I vaguely recall from childhood, feels sure that he just didn't like Asian people.

It still amazes me though, that he would treat a child the way he treated me. Well, suck it Mr. X. I rock.

To think that these days, this shit is probably happening to little Arab girls around the country breaks my heart.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Internet is Crazy

And I don't feel like being on it for a little while.

Instead, I'll meet JLK IRL today.

And I'll leave you with the totally awesome webcomic to read while I take a hiatus of undetermined length. It could be only a day or two, or it could be a week. Anyway. Geek girls, check it out. It's seriously, seriously rockin'.